Lingerie
by SnappleApple450
Summary: This is a one-shot alternate scene to I See Paris, I See France. Jacob did go shopping with Rose, Alice, and Bella for lingerie. What happenswhen Edward hears his thoughts? Hysterical to the crazy ppl. Possibly stupid to the sane ones.


**Hey pplz! Wuz up! Never mind that. A fan gave me a great idea for my I see Paris... story. I laughed so hard at the idea so I thought you would too! Mind you, it's a one-shot that has nothing to do with the rest of the story. I just thought it was funny.**

**This story is dedicated to nightlightofhappiness. She gave me this brilliant idea. luv ya! hope it's what you thought.**

**Snapple out! peace!**

**note: words in italics are thoughts.**

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Lingerie

_What was left to go to? Alice gave me a sly smile, "Lingerie."_

~*~

I felt stupid. How much less cloth and lace did it take to deem this unwearable? What idiot looked at this material and said, "Let's see how little we can use to cover the body." A male, no doubt. With the way Jake was staring he wished it was less cloth more skin. Ugh!

"Come on, Bells! This is the last one." Rosalie called from behind the curtain.

I was in a black-lacy-corset looking-push upping-bra and panties. Thank god it wasn't a thong...although it was headed that way! I sighed pushing the curtain away. This was the worst of the things I tried on. I guess you could say I was going out with a bang! Jacob's mouth dropped to the floor along with his eyes that popped out. I was certainly giving him something to look at. Alice and Rosalie squealed in delight. They brought Jacob along to use as the male reaction to my clothes.

His mouth drops: we buy it.

This was very demeaning and embarrassing. After we bought the bras and underwear's, we left. I had my clothes back on, but they didn't feel like enough. I felt Jacob's eyes on me for the rest of the night.

~*~

EDWARD'S POV:

Our 14th time to the airport. The workers there were beginning to know us by name now.

"Good to see you again, Mr. Cullen!" The security guard welcomed us at the door.

"Oh yeah? What's good about it?" I grumbled to myself.

Jasper and Emmett were as unhappy about our new-found weakness as I was. We couldn't last a week without the girls and we hated it. Carlisle was just as miserable only he worked three shifts at the hospital to keep his-self busy. We had nothing to do. Emmett was close to endangering the grizzly population. Jasper finished all 800 puzzles (each with 5,000 pieces). And me? I sat in my room re-listening to every cd I owned. I just finished this morning along with Jasper; it was only Tuesday. So, here we were again, at the airport. Only this time, we were really going. Alice was going to hate us, but come on! How are they doing it? Our plane didn't leave for another thirty minutes. I let my mind open; listening to the thoughts around me.

_"I can't wait to see Brenda again."_

_"How did I get suckered into this trip?"_

_"That airplane is going to crash. I just know it."_

_"Bella looks amazing in black underwear." _I froze listening harder. _"Edward doesn't know what he's missing. I saw something he hasn't." _The mind wandered to images of Bella. My Bella, wearing nothing but lacy bras.

Jasper touched my arm. _"Dude, what's got your panties all in a twist?"_

A growl erupted from my chest. "Don't _even _talk about panties!" I snapped.

I focused again on the voice. _"She looked so pretty. Someday, I'll get to see those clothes again...on the floor by my bed, that is!"_

I spotted who was thinking of Bella. Jacob Black. I was seething with rage as I casually walked up to him. "So you think she's pretty, huh?" I asked through clenched teeth.

Jacob spun around wide-eyed. "Ed-Edward! How did you hear that? I didn't say it out loud." _"Did I? Oh god, I hope not!"_

I grabbed his shirt and lifted him up. "If you ever think of my Bella like that again, I'll snap your neck. Understand?" I hissed low and menacing.

He nodded, his thoughts scrambled. Emmett and Jasper grabbed me before I could do anything rash. I set Jacob down and he tore out of there.

"Edward, are you okay?" Emmett asked watching Jacob's retreating figure.

I pulled away. "We're going to France." I grumbled.

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**Please, please, please tell me you laughed. Even a giggle? Well I thought it was funny.**

**Thx again nightlightofhappiness! U RoK!**


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